


So There's This Guy.

by maidofvoid



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Asexual Character, Cronus POV, Depression, F/F, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Humanstuck, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Mistakes, Smoking, Terezi Isn't Blind, cronus is a cutie, eridan is a great brother, i hate on both of them a lot, its not canon but shoosh, not for aranea or rufioh fans, so is Kankri, some the beta and alpha trolls are related to eachother
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-13
Updated: 2015-07-07
Packaged: 2018-03-30 10:19:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3933085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maidofvoid/pseuds/maidofvoid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cronus is a huge loner and Kankri is an adorable friend. I really don't want to write a summary for this so just read it for yourself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Great Job, Cronus.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [my main bros](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=my+main+bros), [they arent on this site](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=they+arent+on+this+site), [yet](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=yet).



  “GO AWAY, AMPORA. NOBODY WANTS YOU HERE.” I try to back out of the room. I can’t believe I messed up that badly. I just hurt someone I cared about and-

  “GET OUT RIGHT NOW.” I want to apologize, but she’s still fuming. It’s too late. The damage has been done and I can’t go back. I pull open the door and run out. I can’t even remember how to get back to my dorms. My eyes start blurring, and I’m faced with the threat of tears. No, not now. Men don’t cry, Cronus. Men learn to get over it and move on. Just move on and pretend that none of this even happened. It will all be okay.

  The walk back to my apartment is a lonely one. Usually Mituna would help escort me, but I know he’s heard about what happened by now. He won’t even look at me when I see him in class next week. He’ll probably be tucked back in the corner with Latula, playing on his phone and avoiding me. Things will go back to they way they used to be. I’ll go back to being the lonesome sack of shit I used to be, and Meenah will go back to absolutely hating me. It’s not like I don’t deserve it. I’m the absolute definition of trash. I’ve somehow managed to piss off everyone who’s ever cared about me. I don’t know why I ever tried to fix myself, I’ll always be the asshole with no friends you avoid at parties. I’ll always be me. There’s nothing I can do about it.

* * *

 

  

  I wake up to the sound of a leaky sink and the annoying ass birds that insist on singing at 6 in the morning. It takes a few seconds for me to process everything that happened last night before I remember what happened.

  “Not a dream.” I mutter to myself. It wasn’t a dream, it was all real. Everything that happened last night, really happened. Meenah now hates me, Mituna and Latula will avoid me, and Damara will go back to not knowing me. I look over at my phone. I have two texts, both from Eridan. I actually want his company for once. He’d be able to help me with this, he’s had to deal with most he knew hating him for 3 years before somehow fixing it.

_**ERIDAN: okay so i just heard about wwhat you did from fef. wwe need to talk. call me.** _

_**ERIDAN: i knoww you arent asleep. call me noww.** _

  I dial his number and wait through his stupid ringtone. I can’t believe my own brother, my own flesh and blood, likes Miley fuckin’ Cyrus.

  “Took you long enough.” Said Eridan. He begins to go off at me for what I did. I don’t listen to a single word he’s saying. Frankly, I don’t care. I know I messed up, I don’t need him telling me that. I don’t need to be reminded.

  “Listen, Cro. I want to help you with this. Meet me at that stupid cafe you live right across. I think it's called Before Mornin' Cafe, but I honestly don't care too much.” He mumbles. I agree to meet up with him them hang up. I pull myself off the couch and walk to my bathroom. I probably look like shit, and I don’t want Eridan to lecture me about how I’m supposed to look. After taking a quick shower, I change into a white shirt and jeans. I guess I'm trying to look like I give half a shit, but after last night there's nobody left to impress. I do make one quick stop at the mirror in the bathroom so I can fix my hair, though. Without gel in it, the black wisps of hair hang in my face and it's honestly the most annoying thing ever. I slick it back and nod at myself in the mirror. For a guy stayed up half the night sobbing, I don't look that bad. After checking myself out in the mirror, I collect my things and throw on my jacket. I take one quick glance at my apartment and slam the door behind me.

  The air outside is colder than I originally thought. Autumn is hitting this town hard, as it usually does. Good thing the cafe isn’t too far away, or I’d be screwed. I check my phone and see I have three more texts.

_**Eridan: im lettin my friend kar come along since he needs to pick up his brother. hope you dont mind.** _

_**Eridan: i just found out that his brother is the same age as you, you twwo should talk.** _

_**Karkat: ERIDAN WON’T LET ME GO INSIDE UNTIL YOU SHOW UP. HURRY IT’S COLD AND MY STUPID SIBLING WON’T LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.** _

  Oh god, now I have to deal with that asshole. I look up from my phone to see my brother waving at me. Let’s get this over with.

  “There you are.” Eridan cheerily grins. Karkat glares at him and turns around to open the doors of the cafe. Eridan enters behind him, motioning for me to follow behind me.

  “Karkat, if you’re going to continue being late I’ll just have Porrim drive me.” I hear as I set foot into the cafe. I see Karkat talking to a shorter version of himself, which I assume to be his brother. I try to glance at him out of curiosity, but I am interrupted by a hand dragging me off to the side.

  “What the hell?” I hiss at the person pulling me away. They throw me into a chair and take a seat across from me. I look up and see Eridan snickering at my flushed face. Of course it was him, Eridan loves shit like this.

  “Were you checking out Kar’s brother?” He whispers with a sly grin on his face. I roll my eyes at him and stand up. There is no way I’m staying here if he’s going to be like this.

  “Oh, sit back down. I was only joking, I’m pretty sure you’re straight.” He laughs. I glare at him and walk away. I am really not in the mood to deal with my stupid sibling right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading the first chapter of this fanfiction. I've actually never written stuff like this before, so advice would be amazing. I'm going to upload the second chapter alongside this one, so have fun reading :D  
> Also, these first few chapters are just introductions so I can get some sort of plot rolling. PLEASE don't skip them, they're pretty important.  
> That's all bros <3


	2. A Few Months Have Passed.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Porrim is a mom, Rufioh is a jerk.

“Cronus, are you even listening?” Porrim glares at me and looks back at Horuss. This project is worse than I would’ve originally thought, but at least I get to do it with people who don’t hate me. I actually think they may be my friends. I haven’t even thought about friends since the accident, but now I can’t help but think about it. I should start letting them in, it has been almost a year since all that bullshit happened.

“Sorry, I’m just thinking about stuff.” I force out an apology. She nods and looks back down at her laptop. As Porrim types, Horuss’s phone begins to buzz. She grabs it before he can even move his hand and opens the text. I look over at Horuss

“Rufioh’s not coming. You should talk to him about that.” She throws the phone back to Horuss.

“W-why should I talk to him about his absence?” He stutters, wiping the trickle of sweat off his forehead.

“He’s your boyfriend, not mine.” Porrim glares at him. Horuss looks down at the floor and mutters something before covering his face with his hand. Everyone knows Rufioh can barely even be called his boyfriend, since he basically spends time with anyone but Horuss himself. Rufioh is more of an asshole than me, to put it kindly.

“It’s alright, Cheif. You’re not responsible for Rufioh, right Porrim?” I make sure to look at her while saying that. Her face softens and she puts her hand on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Horuss.” Porrim mumbles. She turns back to the laptop and her eyes widen. “Oh shit.”

“What’s wrong?” I ask. She stands up and starts grabbing her things.

“I forgot, I need to pick up Kanny.” She drops her book and I walk over to pick it up for her. She pulls it out of my hands and dumps it into her bag.

“Please don’t go, this project is screwed without you.” Horuss cries. She turns to look at him, then looks at me.

“Cronus, do you think you could go get him and bring him back here?” She asks. I agree and she gives me the directions to his workplace. I grab my jacket and wave to them before closing my door and walking away. I start walking towards the cafe where this guy apparently works. It’s not that far from my apartment, but I wonder who this “Kanny” guy is. I hear my phone go off in my back pocket, so I stop for a moment.

 

_**(UNKNOWN NUMBER): Hell9** _

 

“Who the hell is this?” I mumble to myself before replying to the text.

 

_**Me: im sorry but vwho are you** _

_**(UNKNOWN NUMBER): I’m Kankri, P9rrim t9ld me y9u were g9ing t9 6e picking me up t9day.** _

 

Makes sense that Porrim would give this guy my number. She’s motherly like that. I shove my phone back into my pocket and check the address that Porrim wrote on my arm before I left. I should be pretty close by now, so I look up from the ground I'd been staring at. Sure enough, I see the old cafe that Porrim had said he worked at. I cross the street and pull out my phone.

* * *

 

_**Me: im here wvhere are you chief?** _

_**(UNKNOWN NUMBER): I'm just inside, y9u d9n't need t9 wait 9ut there.** _

 

  I have no clue why this guy likes using perfect grammar while texting, but I guess he's just weird like that. I push open the doors and I suddenly feel a strange hint of nostalgia. It’s been quite a few months since I first came here, and I honestly have no idea why I haven’t come back. The Before Mornin’ Cafe is really quaint, and reminds me of my old home. There’s a constant smell of chocolate and oak wood that makes me more than just a little hungry. I walk up to the counter and ring the little bell sitting next to the register. In almost no time, a taller girl with blonde hair comes running in.

“Welcome to Befor-” She stands still and looks me over. “Holy shit.” I hear her mutter to herself. She’s basically scanning me, so I work up the nerve to speak.

“I’m sorry, what’s wrong?” I ask, making sure to look more intimidating than her. It doesn’t work.

“You’re Cronus Ampora, right? I’m Vriska, Meenah’s told me about you.” She sneers as she gathers some paper to write down my order. This chick is kinda pissing me off, so I respond.

“How the hell do you know Meenah?” I snap.

“She’s my girlfriend, asshole.” I’m not too shocked. Meenah’s been into girls since the third grade, but still. Why is she dating some girl I haven’t even met yet? I know Meenah and I aren't really close anymore, but I still wish she had told me. I sigh and look back at her.

“Whatever, I’m just looking for your co-worker, Kankri.” I huff out. Vriska walks back into the darker room, leaving me all alone. Soon, she pops back out pushing a small brunette boy with a face covered in freckles.

"Have fun." She giggles before walking away again. I assume this boy standing in front of me is Kankri, but I don't get how. There's no way Porrim is friends with this pipsqueak.

"So you're Cronus, if I'm correct." Dear lord he speaks fast. I can barely concentrate on what he’s saying, so I decide to focus on his face instead. He has these tiny little freckles that explode all over his face, but they look nice against his pale complexion. His brown hair is really fluffy and it seems to fly all over the place.

“I’ll go grab my stuff, Cronus. Please wait here.” I snap back into reality and nod at him. He disappears back into the dark room, and I’m left alone to wait. Suddenly, the door behind me opens and I hear a loud laugh follow behind it. I turn around to see Rufioh, who said he was “too busy” to help with our project. He’sholding hands with none other than Damara Megido, who is obviously aware of what she’s doing. He looks up from his conversation with her, and his eyes widen. I glare at him, and he looks me in the eye.

“Cronus.” He mumbles. Rufioh releases Damara’s hand and looks at the floor. Motherfucking busted, you cheating a-

“Are you ready to go?” Kankri taps my shoulder. I look back at him and sigh, running a hand through my hair,

“Yeah, Chief.” I smile at him, and he returns the gesture. I make sure to “run into” Rufioh, but I don’t say anything. I know what’ll happen once good ol’ Porrim finds out about this.

 

 


	3. Hello There.

On the walk to my apartment with Kankri, I finally get a real chance to talk to him. We just chat about small things, like the weather and our lives. His smile could honestly light up an entire room, and I keep finding ways to get it out of him.

“So, how do you know Porrim?” I finally ask him. He looks a little puzzled at my question, but his confusion turns into a grin.

“We’ve been friends since we were children. She’s become my only source of motherly advice recently.” He looks down at the ground when he says that, and I’m tempted to put my hand on his shoulder.

“We’re here now, Chief. You alright?” I smile down at him. He exhales and looks back up.

“Yes, let’s go.” I pull open the doors and he walks into the building with me following behind. We both walk up the stairs then walk down the hall. Once we reach my door, I go to pull my keys out of my pocket.

“Shit.” I growl. I left my keys inside my apartment, and I have no idea if Porrim or Horuss know where they are.

“Please keep your vulgarity to a minimum, Cronus. It could be triggering.” He lectures me. I raise an eyebrow at him and start laughing.

“Sorry, Kanks, but you’re goin’ to have a rough time with me if you can’t deal with some simple cursing.” I smile at him, and he full on glares at me. He maybe small and kinda cute, but his glare is making me shiver. His pale blue eyes are staring into my soul, so I return my attention to the door.

“I’ll just text Porrim and ask her to open the door.” I stated. He nods and turns to look around the hallway. I pull out my phone and see that I have a few texts from Rufioh. The fact that guy even has the nerve to talk to me after what happened makes me disgusted.

 

_**RUFIOH:cro l1sten 1 need you to not tell horuss about th1s** _

_**RUFIOH:wa1t actually f*ck 1t** _

_**RUFIOH:1 know you w1ll anyway** _

 

I already decided to tell Horuss about what I saw, no amount of begging could change that. If I want to make friends, I need to be honest with them. I quickly text Porrim and look up from my phone. I quickly realize that Kankri has completely disappeared, and I kinda sorta panic.

“Kanks?” I cried, looking around to hopefully see his red sweatshirt. Why do I keep calling Kankri that? Aren't nicknames usually saved for close friends? 

“Yes?” He replies. He’s on the other side of the hallway, talking to a neighbor of mine. I’ve seen her around before, she usually hangs out around the movie theatre and wears Indiana Jones shirts. I think she is in my english classes, but I’m not sure.

“Hi, Cronus.” She grinned. I’m a bit surprised she remembered my name. I walk over to them and wave at her awkwardly.

“Oh, hey, uh.” I completely forgot her name.

“Aradia. I’m Aradia.” She declares, still somehow smiling. Kankri looks up at me and I can tell even he senses the awkwardness of this conversation. The door behind Aradia opens and an extremely tall but very skinny guy with two-tone eyes walks out.

“Hey, A.A, who are these guys?” He groans. He’s just a bit paler than Kankri, and I assume he doesn’t get outside much. He does, however, put his arm around Aradia and sloppily kisses her on the cheek. She blushes a little and looks back at us.

“These are Cronus and Kankri. Cronus lives down the hall, if I’m correct.” She explains. Sollux looks at us and shrugs. He holds out his free hand and shakes ours.

“I’m Sollux, and I see you’ve already met my girlfriend.” He has a very apparent lisp, but I decide not to point it out.

The door to my apartment opens, and I see Porrim peeking her head out. She smiles when she sees that Kankri and I made it back safely, and she beckons us over to her. We say goodbye to Aradia and Sollux, then walk over to her.

“Sorry it took so long, Porrim.” Kankri apologizes. Porrim sighs, but I can see that she’s hiding a smile.

“It’s alright, Kanny. I just hope you don’t mind waiting for us to finish this project.” She proclaims. Kankri reluctantly agrees with her. He takes a seat on the couch, and I plop down next to him. Porrim returns to her work, and I make sure to add some ideas here and there. Eventually, Horuss comes back and I swear to every god out there my heart stopped.

“Hey, Cronus. Rufioh told me he ran into you while he was out.” Horuss hesitated. I can’t even look him in the eye, knowing what I know. He sits down on the floor next to Porrim and looks up at me.

“Yeah, he looked pretty busy.” I lie. I should’ve known. There’s no way I can tell him about what I saw.

“Alright, Kanny. It looks like I’m done here.” Porrim interjects. Kankri looks at me with saddened eyes, but pulls himself off the couch to help her collect her things.

Does he not want to leave? I think to myself. No, there’s no way. I just met him. Get over yourself, Cronus.

“Cronus.” He turns to look at me. I look back up at him, and his eyes full on sparkle in the light shining from my windows. Is that a normal thing to think?

“Will you maybe call me?” He declares. I laugh and nod at him, and his face lights up with the most adorable smile I’ve ever seen. He and Porrim leave, with Horuss following soon after.

I honestly think this is one of the best days I’ve had in a long while. I’m pretty sure I just made 3 new friends, one of them being an admittedly adorable boy who actually thinks I’m cool. I get ready for bed, and quickly check my phone.

_**KANKRI:Thank y9u f9r getting me t9day, I h9pe y9u’d want t9 may6e hang 9ut with me 9ne day.** _

_**ME:no problem and id lovwe to kick 8ACK wvith you kanks** _

_**KANKRI:May6e t9m9rr9w? I suspect y9u’re in sch99l, s9 we c9uld p9ssi6ly g9 s9mewhere 9nce y9u’re d9ne.** _

_**ME:sure chief** _

Yep, I’m alright with this day.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update should be on Saturday, but after that I have no idea what the update span will be. Maybe I'll just make it weekly? Yeah, after the next chapter we'll have weekly uploads.  
> Thanks for reading this so far, it honestly means so much to me guys <3


	4. Lean Into It.

Class takes much longer than usual today, but I guess it’s because I can’t stop waiting to see Kankri. Porrim, Horuss, and I all end up getting a pretty decent grade on our assignment, considering how little work was actually done. Once the professor dismisses us, I intend to run out of class and meet with Kankri as soon as possible. I really just want to see him again.

"Hey...Cro." I look up from my desk to see Horuss standing above me. He opens his mouth like he's going to say something, but quickly shuts it and looks down. There's an aura of desperation around him, and I'm pretty sure I know what he was going to say.

"Horuss Zahhak," The professor shouts, "Class isn't over yet. Sit back down." Horuss runs back to his seat and looks back over to me. He knows that I know something, he's just too scared to ask. I know I should just tell him, but I can't.

My train of thought is lost to our professor basically fucking shouting out a lecture. I try my hardest to pay some type of attention, but it doesn't matter. I'll probably fail the upcoming exams soon, anyway. At least I have career already sorted out, so I have no idea why I’m still in University. I guess it’s just what I know. I mean, I’ve been here for 2 years already. I’m just doing what I’m used to nowadays.

After studying myself for awhile, the professor finally releases us. I quickly check my phone and make sure I have time to prepare before Kankri and I meet up. Listen, I just want to make a good impression on him. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to look good for a guy who may be your friend.

Once I get home, I see that girl Kankri and I met yesterday sitting in the hallway. She has her hands on her face and appears to be crying. I try to walk up to her, but her boyfriend steps out through their door and sits in front of her. He puts his hands on her shoulders and pulls her into a hug.

“It’s okay, AA. I’m right here.” He reassures her. She pulls away from him and studies his face, and a smile appears on her own. I leave, because the two deserve their own privacy in this situation. I may have to ask about it later.

I probably take longer than usual to get ready, but it doesn’t matter. Kankri shouldn’t even be off shift yet, so I have some time to kill. I’m busy checking myself out in my mirror when I hear a knock at the door.

“Cronus, are you in there?” Sollux is outside the door, so I rush over to open it. Did he see me in the hall?

“I know you saw what happened in the hall.” He explains. I look at the floor and he sighs.

“Yeah, I won’t tell anyone if that’s what you’re askin’.” I reply. I really won’t tell anyone about this, since Aradia seems nice and Sollux might break me if I do. He smiles and puts his hand on my shoulder. I smile back, and he returns back to the hallway. I follow behind him, making sure to close the door behind me. I wave goodbye to him and go on my way.

* * *

 

“You’re early, Cronus.” I accidently showed up 30 minutes before Kankri’s shift ended. I guess I was just too excited to see him, and I ended up running over. He turns to look at his clock then turns back to me, still smiling.

"Would you like to wait outside?" He asks. I nod and walk back through the doors, into the early spring air. It's not as cold as it used to be, but I still keep my leather jacket on. I pull out a cigarette and light it, trying to pass the time. I can’t even remember when I started smoking. I think it was around the time I stopped hanging around the old group. God, it’s been such a long time since I last thought about them.

I hear the Cafe’s door open and turn my head, putting the cigarette between my teeth. Kankri looks over at me and his smile fades. He rushes over and pulls it out of my mouth, stomping it on the ground.

“Cronus Ampora,” He scolds. “Smoking is horrible for your health, and you’ll ruin your perfec-” He stopped mid-sentence and covered his mouth with his hand.

“Were you just about to call me...perfect?” I tease at him. He rolls his eyes and looks at me.

“I was going to say your perfect teeth, but take it any way you want.” He replies, searching my face for some sign that the teasing will end. I smile at him, and I’m returned with the grin that could melt anyone. Honestly, if anyone’s smile is perfect, it’s his.

“So, are you ready to go?” He asks.

“Yeah.” I respond. He grabs my arm and starts pulling me along behind him. For some reason, though, I feel like my heart stopped. I can feel the warmth of his hand through my jacket, and I kinda wish it would stay there. Why am I thinking this?

Kankri leads me to a bigger apartment building, which I assume he lives in. He releases my arm, but still ushers me inside. We walk up some stairs, and he walks over to a door.

“One minor warning, my roommate and his girlfriend might still be here.” He says while pushing the door open.

“You have a roommate?” I question. He nods and walks inside, then looks around quickly.

“Huh, nobody’s here.” He answers. I follow him in, just out of curiosity. His apartment is pretty small compared to mine, but it’s certainly much neater. He leans down in front of a medium sized TV and looks towards me.

“Do you want to watch a movie?” He asks as I take off my shoes and sit down on his couch. I can see that he’s searching through Netflix, and I instantly get an idea.

“Only if you’re willing to watch Grease.” I reply. He raises an eyebrow at me and giggles.

“You like Grease?” He laughs.

“Fu-I mean, yeah.” He looks happy that I at least tried to hold back my vulgarity. Kankri searches through the choices before landing on Grease and sitting on the couch next to me. He turns on the movie, and I can’t help but hum along to the songs.

Then, Kankri moves closer. He’s basically propped up against my shoulder, and I get the weird feeling I had the last time he touched me. I look down at him, and he has the most content smile on his face. I love that smile so much, and I don’t deny leaning into him. Girls do it all the time, why can’t guys? It’s not like we’re cuddling or anything. We’re just two guys sitting against each other.

“Wait, what am I doing?” Kankri panics. He sits up and brushes himself off. “I’m so sorry, Cronus.”

I probably have the most shocked look on my face, but I manage to breathe out a few words.

“It’s alright.” I mumble. He settles back down, and doesn’t look at me for the rest movie. When it comes time for me to leave, he keeps his eyes on the floor.

“We should do this again sometime.” I invited. His grin returns.

“One day.” He murmurs. I walk out of the room and sigh. Did I really just do that? I just basically tried to cuddle with a guy I met a few days ago. A guy who I want to be closer to, but not in that way. Trust me, I'm straight.

Kankri’s door opens up and he pops out really quickly. I open my mouth to try and say something, but he says it for me.

“You’re a great friend, Cronus Ampora.” He muses. He just called me his friend. I’m his friend, I’m actually his friend.

“You’re a great friend, too, Kankri…” I realize I don’t even know his last name.

“Vantas.” He finishes the sentence for me. Holy shit, he can’t be.

“Are you at all related to Karkat Vantas?” I ask, trying my hardest to be polite. Kankri sighs and rolls his pale blue eyes.

“He’s actually my brother.” Kankri mutters, holding back a yawn. He looks at his door and I let him go off to bed. I still ponder how in the world this innocent little guy is related to Karkat Vantas. I guess that’s where I recognized him from. Small world, huh. My thoughts are cut short by my phone buzzing, so I check to see who in the world is texting me now.

 

_**MEENAH:oh my cod i cant believe im say-in this but we N-E-ED to talk.** _

_**ME:hi again.** _

_**MEENAH:dont act cute. meet with mituna after class monday, we’re all sick of play-in this game.** _

_**ME:alright, see ya tommorowv then.** _

 

It’s been almost a year since I even spoke to her, and now she’s just casually texting me? The thoughts of what happened between us rattle around in my head all the way to my apartment. Once I reach it, I can't even muster the strength to open my door. I feel weak, like a simple text just fatally wounded me. So, I just look at my door and let out a huge groan. My whining is then followed by some footsteps and a door silently closing.

“Cronus? What are you still doing up?” It’s Aradia. I turn around and look at her. She’s brushing something away from her eye, still maintaining eye contact. Honestly, she's just too nice sometimes. I'm not complaining, it just seems weird. I'm pretty sure I just woke her up, and she's worrying about me.

“What time is it?” I peer at her, and she looks at the hallway's clock with a face of concentration.

“It’s one, holy crap.” She gasps. Her mouth goes wide open, and she gapes at me. I mirror her face, and we both double over laughing. I don't really think there was anything that funny. Maybe the low amount of sleep just made us hysterical. Soon, the door to her apartment opens and Sollux steps out of it. He looks at us and raises an eyebrow. I think we just woke him up, judging by the scruffiness of his usually amazing hair.

“Do I even want to know?” He yawns. Aradia jumps up and throws her arms around him, still laughing. He loops his arms around her waist and pulls her closer, not paying attention to the fact I'm still standing right here.

“I love you, but go back to bed and don’t ask.” She giggles into his cheek, kissing it a few times. She has to stand on her toes to reach him, but he uses his arms to support her. Aradia releases him, and turns her gaze to me. I quickly stand back up, and shuffle my way to the door. I think I just stepped a little over my friendly neighbor boundaries.

“Goodnight, lovebirds.” I tease while going into my apartment. I close the door and feel a massive grin stretch across my face . Are the pieces of my life slowly but finally being put back together? I haven’t been this happy since I was with the old group, and I think I’m in a new one now. Kankri, Aradia, and Sollux. Maybe even Horuss and Porrim, if I can get the situation with Rufioh sorted out. 

But just as soon as things seemed good, they went back down into the trash. I fell asleep, and woke up to three texts from Horuss and Rufioh.

 

_**HORUSS: HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN AWARE OF DAMARA’S RELATIONSHIP WITH MY BOYFRIEND?** _

_**RUFIOH:cro, he found out about me and damara and 1 sorta threw you under the bus. my bad.** _

_**HORUSS:Why didn’t you just tell me?** _

 

I run my hand over my face and growl. It’s a Saturday, and I have to wake up to this. I dial Horuss’s number and click call. He picks up straight away and I decide to speak first.

“Hey,” I greet. He sniffles, and I can tell he’s been crying all night. Poor guy probably found out just as I fell asleep.

“Hello, Cronus.” He sniffs out. God, the guy sounds like shit. I know the perfect thing to cheer him up.

“How about you, Porrim, and I all go out today. No Rufioh, no drama.” I explain. He sniffles some more before finally giving me an answer.

“I would love that.” I put together a few plans and text Porrim, then hang up. I set my phone back on the nightstand and stare at the ceiling, remembering everything that happened last night. How Kankri’s head felt on my arm, how much I just wanted to wrap my arm around him, and how much I wish I didn’t let him push me away.

Maybe I really do have some type of feeling for Kankri, maybe I don’t. At the moment, it doesn't matter. Right now, my primary focus is Horuss’s happiness. Lord knows he deserves it.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapters are coming to an end, along with daily uploads. Once again, thanks for reading.  
> bless u <3


	5. Starting To Get It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cronus comes to terms with his feelings.

I take my sweet time getting ready once I realize Horuss woke me up at 6:00. I mean I get that this is a terrible situation to be in, but couldn't you have woken me up at 8? Either way, Porrim agrees that it's a good idea for all of  us to go out together as that's what friends do sometimes. There's that word again, "friend". I'm starting to get used to hearing it, but I try not to get comfortable. Something might go wrong again, and I want to soften the personal blow. I don’t want what happened last time to happen again.

I still have few hours until I’m supposed to meet up with Horuss at his apartment, so I pull out my good old guitar and strum a few notes. Remember how I said I basically have a career sorted out for me? Well this is it. I’m planning on joining a band once I graduate, so I don’t really need to be here. I guess I just want to complete my degree, since I will need a fallback plan.

Enough of the talk about my future, I still need to get some practice for my gig tomorrow. I buckle down and manage to get some practice done, then realize something. Should I invite Kankri to my gig next week? I decide that I should at least ask him, since that is the friendly thing to do.

 

_**ME:i havwe this gig thing next wveek, wvould you maybe like to come wvith me?** _

_**KANKRI: 9f c9urse I w9uld!** _

_**ME:great, ill see you there then** _

_**KANKRI: :D** _

 

I smile at my phone and bite my lip. Knowing that Kankri will be there only motivates me to practice even harder. I guess I’m a bit desperate, but I want to impress him. I want him to feel comfortable with me, especially after what happened last night. Maybe just having him there to listen to me would be good for us.

* * *

 

“Someone’s late.” Porrim scolds as I edge my way into Horuss’s living room. I accidentally ended up practicing for longer than I was supposed to, and I forgot about the plans completely.

“I’m only 30 minutes late, Porrim.” I roll my eyes at her, and she settles on the floor. Horuss is staring at the wall, being absolutely silent. There’s a pile of tissues in a corner, and his long hair is sloppily thrown into a bun. To put it nicely, he looks like shit. I’ve never seen him like this before, he always seemed so happy.

“So, what now?” I ask, putting my hand on his shoulder. Porrim looks around and purses her mouth. Looks like she’s out of ideas. There’s a knock at the door, and Horuss jumps up. Porrim grabs his arm.

“If it’s him, let me deal with it.” She demands. Horuss looks down and nods, then walks over to the door. I lean over, and to no surprise, it’s Rufioh. Porrim stands up slowly and makes her way to Horuss. I decide to follow her.

“Listen, it’s still my place, too.” I hear him say as I walk over. He doesn’t look apologetic, he doesn’t even look guilty.

“Rufioh,” Porrim growls, moving Horuss out of her way. “I highly suggest you leave.” Rufioh smirks at that and looks her up and down.

“Sorry, doll, but I just want to grab a few things then I’m out.” He quirks an eyebrow, and Porrim’s face twists into a scowl. She starts raising her hand slowly, and Rufioh stares at it. His eyes widen, and he laughs a bit.

Then, she slaps him. There’s an obvious red mark on his face where her palm once was, and he holds it. There are some tiny tears in his eye, and I feel a little bad for the guy. He does deserve it, though.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” He shouts. She glares down at him and he looks back up. Horuss grabs Porrim’s shoulder then nods at her. She saunters back next to me, and I can see the tiny grin her mouth flicks into. Horuss walks up to Rufioh, but there’s something different about him. Is Horuss Zahhak actually expressing anger? I really hope so, because he needs to just tell Rufioh. This is something neither Porrim or I should do.

“Rufioh, grab your stuff and go.” Horuss commands, and Rufioh looks up at him. He brushes away some small tears and scowls.

“Forget it, I’ll come back later.” He mumbles, walking away from us. Horuss is shaking, and I think he’s about to cry again. Porrim rushes over to him and searches his face. Horuss lightly pushes her away and turns to look at me. He looks so fragile, like one little breath will break him to bits.

“I think you two should just go.” He chokes, holding back tears. Porrim reaches her hand out to him, but quickly draws it back. He just needs some space right now, so we give it to him. I do make sure to grab him a few tissues before I leave, though. He’s going to need them.

“What now?” Porrim asks as we exit the condo. I shrug and grab my phone from my pocket. It’s only 12, but I feel like I’ve been out all day. I think it’s just time to call it quits, and I can tell she thinks the same. We say goodbye and head our separate ways, but I have no idea where to go. I know that I could probably use this time to set up for the gig tomorrow, but I don’t want to run into Latula while I’m there. I don’t want to see any of them, not until Monday.

I decide to just go back to my apartment, and maybe see if Aradia and/or Sollux want to hangout. Sure enough, neither of them are home. Looks like I’m left to entertain myself for the next few hours. I could just go down to the cafe and meet with Kankri before tomorrow. I end up deciding to do that, since there’s nothing else I can do.

On my way to the cafe, I start thinking about my plans for spring break. It’s only a week away, and I still have no idea what I should do. I usually would’ve just gone on a trip with Mituna, Latula, Kurloz, Aranea, and Meenah… but it’s different now. We aren’t that close anymore. I’ll have to make my own fun and my own plans. I look up at the sky, which is covered in storm clouds. I quickly rush into the Before Mornin’ Cafe and look around. There’s a smaller girl with long, blonde hair that points in every direction standing where Kankri usually would. Her eyes widen with excitement when she sees me and she shoo’s the person she was talking to away from the counter. He grumbles, but moves out of the way quickly.

“HELLO!” She screams. I cover my ears and walk closer towards her.

“Hi there.” I reply, cocking an eyebrow at her. She giggles and apologizes for being so loud.

“I'm sorry, but is Kankri still here?” I ask her. She shakes her head, which I decide to take as a no.

“He doesn’t work here on Saturdays, sorry.” She explains. I sigh and look around. I might as well order something as long as I’m here. I check the menu and sure enough, nothing looks good. I’m not really into the same hipster bullshit my brother is into, but I end up ordering something cold and filled with sugar. When I go to get the drink, the small girl with massive hair speaks up.

“Mind if I ask a quicky little question?” She asks, obviously trying to lower the sound of her voice. I try to look at her name tag, but the letters look scratched and are covered by cat stickers. I try my hardest to put the letters I can see into a name, and go with my best guess.

“Go for it, Miranda.” I answer. She giggles and I can tell I missed the name by a lot.

“It’s Meulin, but that’s besides the point.” She corrects me. She adjusts her apron and looks back up at me.

“Anyways, are you like Kankri’s boyfriend?” She interrogates me. I raise both eyebrows at her, but I do feel a tiny blush appear on my face.

“N-no, I’m just his friend.” I stutter back. Her smile falls and I decide this would be a good time to pay and get the hell out.

“That’s a shame, you two would be cute together.” She states. Yep, I’m definitely blushing now. I basically throw my money at her, and run out of the cafe.

By the time I get home, it’s pouring outside with little signs of letting up. I decide to just let the rest of the day go by without doing anything else. For once, I fall sound asleep easily. This day was tiring, and I just wanted it to end.

* * *

 

I let my week pass slowly, and I still struggle to pay attention during class. Nothing’s really changed about me. Even though I have a few friends now, I’m still Cronus Ampora.

When Monday rolled around and I was supposed to meet with Mituna, I chickened out. I’m not ready to see them yet. I ignored the angry texts from Meenah, and went about my business.

To add on to my struggles, Kankri hasn’t spoken to me all week. I’ve seen him around the campus area, but he would keep his head down and avoid me. I wish I could say I didn’t care, but that would be a huge lie. I wanted to hear his voice again, and I didn’t care what he had to say. Hell, I would sit through one of his lectures just to hear him.

On the day of the gig, I end up sleeping through half the day. I have no idea how I managed to, what with all the stuff that went down this week. But, I do end up waking up to a knock on my door. I groggily walk over to open it, and I am met with ice-blue eyes and a look of confusion. I blink my eyes, trying to focus on the figure in front of me and I mutter out a hello of some sort. I finally rub out the fog of my eyes, and it turns out the figure is none other than Kankri Vantas. He’s wearing that red sweatshirt that’s a bit too big on him, but it’s always nice to see him without his stained apron on. I look down at myself, and realize I’m still in what I wore yesterday. I also realize that my hair isn’t styled at all, and I slam the door in Kankri’s face.

“Cronus!” He shouts with surprise. I look around for something to hold my hair back with, and my eyes fall on the stupid beanie my brother gave me. I’ve never even touched the thing before, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I pick it up and tuck my hair into it, praying that Kankri is still outside my door.

“I am so sorry, Kanks.” I apologize while opening the door. Kankri’s eyes look wider than usual, but he casually walks into my apartment and looks around. I let him, since I did just scare the shit out of him. He turns to look at me and sighs. He looks exhausted, and the Kankri I’ve known for the past few weeks doesn’t seem to be there anymore.

“No, it’s fine. I should’ve warned you I was coming first.” He rambles. Honestly, I’m pretty sure he’s just talking to fill up the silence in my room. I take a seat on my couch, and he sits down right next to me. He cups his face in his hands and stares at the floor.

“Kankri, you okay?” I ask. He looks back up at me and forces a smile. His eyes are meeting mine and I feel like I’m going to melt. I gaze into them, looking intently at the icy-blue specks of his iris. I stare at them for who knows how long before Kankri shakes his head and looks back down at the floor.

“I just wanted to see you,” He mutters. “I know it’s pathetic but I just need a friend right now.”

“Well, you’ve got one right here.” I declare. Kankri stands up in front of me and his genuine smile returns. This is the Kankri I love seeing.

“It appears I do.” He agrees with a slight chuckle. I playfully punch his arm, and he lightly returns the gesture. One day, I’ll work up the nerve to ask him why he was so upset but for right now, I’m just going to be there for him.

“I do need to get ready for my gig, though.” He looks back at the clock on my wall, and returns back to his seat. He waits for me in the living room and I go get showered and dressed. I do decide to keep my hair in the beanie, since it doesn’t look that bad on me. Once I’m all prepared, I grab my guitar and and motion for Kankri to follow me.

“I’m sorry that I’m complaining so much, but how far away is this place?” Kankri groans. I’ve never heard him complain like this before, and it honestly amuses me. His usual barrier seems to drop when he’s around me. I see the way he acts around others, and this… this is different. He used to always seem so distant, like someone you’d want to avoid. I would’ve never guessed that he would get this close to me within the span of a few weeks. Even after not talking to me for a week, he’s getting more comfortable with me.

“Don’t apologize, it’s cute.” I retort back. He sputters and runs up to me.

“D-don’t call me cute.” He demands with a shaking voice. I laugh and look down at him and realize I never truly noticed our height difference until now. I’m probably a good four inches taller than the guy, but I’m used to having shorter friends. Meenah was about the same height as him, maybe an inch or two taller.

“Your girlfriend probably calls you cute all the time, Kanks. Why can’t I?” I teasingly ask. I’m actually really interested in what finding more about him, so this might be a good way to get some information out of him.

“I actually don’t have a girlfriend, I’m not really the dating type.” He replies. I quirk an eyebrow at him, but I decide to continue the teasing.

“I woulda’ never had you pegged as one of those guys.” I nudge his shoulder and wink at him. He pulls away with a panicked look on his face. I need to tease him more often is this is the reaction I’m going to get out of it.

“Cronus!” He scolds. “I hope you know I’m Asexual.” He sticks up his nose and I stare at him, absolutely bewildered. What in the world is that?

“A-what now?” I ask. He looks at me, still annoyed. I hear him sigh, but I know he can’t wait to lecture me about this. I cross my arms and give him my full attention.

“Asexual, Cronus. It means I don’t really have sexual attraction towards anyone of any gender.” He lectures. I nod at him to let him know I understand, even though I'm still confused. He smiles and steps a bit closer to me, and I nearly froze when his shoulder rubbed against my upper arm. Let’s just say, the rest of the walk was silent and awkward.

I have to admit, I felt a little humbled that Kankri was so open about his sexuality to me. I assume that’s a fact about him that not a lot of people know, and that alone makes me happy. Maybe now that I know that, I can start figuring out what I am.

“Is this the place?” Kankri points at the building in front of us. I snap out of my thought and look at it. It’s been awhile since I last played at R3D’s, but I’d recognize the building anywhere. It looks the place you’d find indie movie authors and actors who have no talent, despite the owners being some of the coolest people I know. I grab Kankri’s arm and drag him inside. Once we enter, I let go of his arm and look for one of the owners. Sure enough, the red-headed Terezi Pyrope notices me first and yells at me to come over to her.

“I didn’t know you knew Karkat’s brother.” She explained once seeing Kankri behind me. I look back at him and smile, and his nervous face turns into a grin. Terezi and I have a small conversation before we’re interrupted by a slamming door. I turn to see who it is, and I’m more than a bit surprised to see Karkat Vantas walking towards us. He stands next to Terezi and scowls at Kankri, who is returning the same look. I have to admit, Kankri is adorable when he’s angry. When he makes his presence clear, Terezi throws her arms around his smaller frame. She repeatedly  kisses his cheek until he wriggles out of her grasp and scowls. I assume the two are together, even though that seems like the weirdest pairing I've ever seen.

“Why the hell is he here?” He angrily asks Terezi. She leans down and whispers something in his ear, which makes him look even more pissed. He turns to me and gives me a look of pure resentment. I quickly back away from him, and Kankri follows me.

“I’m sorry about him, Cronus. I have no idea why he’s always so mad.” Kankri apologizes. I make sure to let him know that it’s not his fault, but he seems to blame himself. I want to comfort him, but after that night I don’t think I can. We’re still really close, but I don’t want to repeat that. I can’t have him avoid me again. I care about him too much do that, even if it hurts me. Kankri comes first, feelings come second.

I manage to get everything set up pretty quickly, and some students from the university began showing up. Kankri wishes me luck, and finds a spot in the audience. The show starts off pretty well, but something was off. I got a full chance to look into the audience, and I saw the problem. Aranea Serket was standing right in the center of the room with a smug look on her face. I know she knows what she’s doing. She’s trying to make me snap again, but I can’t let her.

I get through the rest of the gig smoothly, but once Terezi lets me leave I fucking bolt. I don’t even say goodbye to Kankri, I just need to get away from her. I get to the building after a few minutes of running, and I'm forced to stop and catch my breath before entering. I'm not really the running type anymore, but I can still go pretty fast. Once I can actually breathe again, I rush into my apartment. Slamming my door behind me, I throw off my shoes and change into pajamas. After quickly jumping into bed, I stare at the ceiling. I try to ignore the obvious tears that roll down my cheeks as I turn back and forth in bed, but the memories are returning. There’s no way I’m getting any sleep tonight, but I could at least try to. Maybe I just need to rest on the couch for tonight.

I start moving some pillows and blankets onto my couch when I hear a knock on the door. Despite it being 12 in the morning, I tell whoever’s outside my door to just come in. I don't feel like standing up to open the door, but I'm not sure if being alone right now will help me. I need something to keep my mind away from the depths I was once in. The door cracks open silently, but the light from the hallway illuminates my room. When the door shuts, I can hear the visitor fumble around. They’re probably looking for a light switch, so I walk over to help them out. Once the lights are on, the person puts their hand on my shoulder.

“Cronus, what’s wrong?” It’s Kankri. Why is it Kankri? What is Kankri doing in my apartment at 12 AM?

“I’m fine.” I mumble back, pulling my shoulder away from his grasp. He sighs, and walks in front of me. His eyes go wide once he sees me, but I keep my glare set on the floor. I can feel his eyes searching my face frantically, and I when I look up there are small tears forming in his eyes. The armor I’ve built up around him breaks, and I throw my arms around his smaller body. He tenses at first, but I soon feel his arms wrap around me. I sink my face into the crook of his neck and let a few tears roll down my cheek. He rubs his hands up and down my back, trying to careful with me. I muster up the strength to pull away, but I keep my hands on his shoulders and stare at him.

“It’s getting late.” He stutters out. I shake my head and look back at him, letting go of his shoulders. There are so many thoughts rushing through my head right now, but I don’t have the courage to say any of them.

“Yeah.” I reply, rubbing my neck. He reaches up and wraps his arms around my neck, but releases almost instantly. I feel my heart stop again, but this time it feels natural. It's almost like this is how I was meant to feel around Kankri. 

“I’ll let you get some sleep, but text me when you wake up.” He says, walking towards my door. We both say good night, and he shuts it behind him. I wish I could just figure out how I feel for him. I don’t think I’m into guys, but I think I might be into him. Scratch that, I know I’m into him. I think about how all the times I’m around him, I’m never upset. All my problems seem small compared to him. Kankri pulled me out of the darkness I used to be in, but now I’m attached to him. I don't know what I should do now that I'm able to accept it. I could tell Kankri, but what if that scares him? What if he hates me because I like him in a more than friendly way?

* * *

 

I eventually fall asleep on my couch, but I don’t get that much time to sleep. I have to be ready for class in less than an hour, so I decide to skip showering and just change my clothes.

Once I reach the building, I see Porrim and Horuss standing in a crowd of people. They catch a glimpse of me and wave for me to come over.

“Class has been cancelled for today.” Porrim explains to me. Apparently our professor got sick and decided to just call off the class. I don’t mind it that much but it still seem unnecessary, especially considering how close spring break is. I try to see if Horuss wants to hang out with Porrim and I, but he just decides to go home. He’s still suffering from last week, but I don’t want to force him to do anything.

“Since we’re alone, I need ask you about Kankri.” Porrim sighs once Horuss leaves. I snap my head to her, and I feel a blush creep up my face.

“W-wh-what about him.” I stutter. She rolls her eyes and gives me a sarcastic glare. Oh no, she knows. I don’t how she figured out, but she did.

“Well, let’s start with the fact that he will not shut up about you.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this is early, but I decided to post it so I can get a head start on the next chapter. The next chapter should be up one day, I give up on trying to make a schedule for this fanfiction. Once again, thanks for reading!


	6. Give Me A Second.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cronus and Kankri stay with each other for a week.

“Cronus.” Porrim snaps me back into reality. I’ve been veering in and out of it all day, and I feel bad for making her deal with me. She smiles once she sees I’m focussed again, and returns to her phone. She seems to be intently typing away, so I decide to ask her who she’s texting.

“Who ‘ya talking to, Porrim?”

She looks up at me from her phone and rolls her eyes. Oh god, she’s about to rant. Might as well get cozy, since I’m gonna be here awhile.

“Well, Kankri is looking for a place to stay until he moves since he can’t deal with his roommate for only one more week and he decides to come bug me about it and I have n-” That’s where I zoned out again. I’ve been making a habit out of doing so, but who could blame me. Porrim literally told me that my best friend and/or newfound crush won’t stop talking about me to her, so of course my focus isn’t always going to be where it should. Since I am trying to be a good friend, I set my focus back on her.

“So why is Kanks looking for a place to stay?” I ask, surprised that I let my nickname for Kankri slip out. Porrim gives me a sly look, but she still respectfully answers my question.

“He’s moving out of his apartment after spring break, but he has nowhere to go during that time.”

I quirk an eyebrow at her and she shakes her head. I guess nobody really does understand Kankri, but she seems to try the hardest. How would she react if she knew about how many times Kankri and I have acted like a bit more than friends?  I’m pretty sure she’d fucking kill me.

“Alright, I should probably go help him with this. Do you want to come?” Did Porrim just ask me to come with her to go see Kankri? I decide to keep my cool, but deep inside I really want to go with her.

“Sure, why not.” I respond, shrugging my shoulders. I’m doing a pretty good job at staying cool, if I do say so myself.

We start walking down to Kankri’s apartment, and I can feel my heart beating out of my chest. I have no idea why it’s still doing this whenever I think of him, but I feel stupid. I know how much I want to be with him, but I can’t put that in the way of being his friend. If he doesn’t feel the same way, I’ll get over it. As long as he’s happy, I’m happy.

 

* * *

 

“Why did you bring Cronus?” Kankri has never been upset to see me, so you can imagine how surprised I was when he wanted me to leave. I guess he doesn’t want me to see that he has problems, too.

“He’s your best friend, and I just assumed he could help.” Porrim snapped back at him, and he grumbled something under his breath. We’re all standing outside of his apartment and I honestly feel a little stupid. We’re all just standing here and we probably look idiotic.

“I don’t need his help looking for a place to stay.” Kankri barks. I feel a little insulted, but I don’t say anything. Porrim is starting to get pretty pissed now, and I back up a little. I don’t want to get in her way, I’ve seen what she’s like when she’s angry.

“Why don’t you go stay with Karkat?” Porrim suggests.

“There is no way I am going to stay with him.” Kankri starts to open his door, and that’s when I act on impulse.

“You could come stay with me.” I cry. Holy shit, did I just say that? I need to stop saying the first thing that come to mind in these situations. There’s no way I’d be able to survive a week with Kankri.

“Really?” He perks up.

“Yeah, I have some room for someone else.” I’m in too deep, there’s no turning back now. Kankri looks excited (for some reason), and I don’t want to disappoint him. He and I set up a time for when he should come down, and the three of us decide what he should bring along. We get everything together and I decide that it's about time I went home. Kankri follows me outside, leaving Porrim in his dorm to wait. I start heading down the street before Kankri grabs my hand and speaks up.

“I just wanted to thank you, you’ve done so much for me over the past few months.” I smile at him and walk closer. Kankri keeps his eyes on the ground, obviously hiding his face from me. Our hands are still interlocked, so I take it a step further and wrap my free arm around him. He returns the gesture, nuzzling his face in my neck. I try to ignore the fast-paced beating of my heart and focus on the smaller boy. I do have to go soon, so I let go of him. I say goodbye to Kankri and head towards my apartment.

 

* * *

  
  


The week goes by pretty quickly, and spring break rolls around. I decide to spend the day cleaning up my apartment. I never noticed how messy I was until today. It took almost 3 hours to clean the entire thing, including the help that Sollux and Aradia provided. I am glad I finally got the place cleaned up, though. It was getting a bit annoying to constantly have Eridan complain about it.

Since I still have a few hours left before I should go get Kankri, I decide to see if Karkat has any advice for me. He’d probably know something about living with him, right?

 

_**Me: so kankri is staying wvith me for the next wveek** _

_**Karkat: AND?** _

_**Me: and i wvant to knowv if you havwe any advwice for me.** _

_**Karkat: YOU DONT NEED MY ADVICE, KANKRI IS BASICALLY IN LOVE WITH YOU ANYWAY** _

_**Me: wvhat?** _

_**KARKAT: OH GOD YOU DONT KNOW** _

 

I have no idea whether he’s being serious, or being his usual self. I don’t want to get my hopes up- but could Kankri feel the same way? I highly doubt it, but the thought is pretty nice. I try to text Karkat back but he doesn’t respond. I decide not to think too hard about it, since it might ruin this next week for me. I want everything to go smoothly.

Kankri eventually calls me and asks if right now would be a good time to get him. I tell him that it’s fine, and get ready to head out. Kankri doesn’t live too far away, so I decide to just walk down to his place. It takes a good 30 minutes to get there, including the stop to call a very concerned Porrim back. It turns out she’s coming to help us get everything packed up. I’m more than a bit grateful for that.

I finally reach Kankri’s place, then quickly run inside. Storm clouds are once again covering the sky, and I don’t want to get soaked. I see Porrim standing by Kankri’s door, so I walk over. She looks extremely laid back which is pretty surprising for her. Her hair is in a messy bun, and her face is completely bare. She doesn’t even have her piercings in, which confuses me. I know girls are completely and totally able to be casual, but this is Porrim Maryam we’re talking about. She’s never casual.

“Oh, Cronus.” She gasps. I quirk an eyebrow at her, which she answers with a shake of her head. She explains that Kankri woke her up from a well-deserved nap, and she ran straight over. After she’s done rating, Kankri’s door squeaks open. He quietly steps out and looks at the two of us with the brightest smile I’ve ever seen.

“Hello you two!” Kankri seems much happier than he was a few weeks ago, and I wonder what put him in this wonderful mood. He leads the two of us inside his dorm, then shuts the door behind him. To my surprise, his dorm is extremely messy. Dirty clothes cover the floor, there are papers strewn all over a desk in the corner, and the sheets on the bunk bed obviously haven’t been made in awhile. Kankri sighs once he sees my reaction, and he apologizes for the mess.

“During this time of the year, both of us have no time to clean up.” Kankri explains. I guess he’s talking about the exams, which I still have a few more weeks to study for. I pat him on the head, playing with his fluffy hair. He bites his lip then swats my hand away from him. Porrim laughs at the two of us, which makes me realise she’s still here. I can’t do this awkwardly cute stuff with her around, she’d probably kill me for it. I quickly distract myself with the suitcase on Kankri’s bunk, making sure that he and I were properly separated. I can’t have Porrim see how I get around him, she’d never let me hear the end of it.

“Oh, let me help you out.” Porrim offers. I move over and allow Porrim to take over for me. Kankri thanks us for helping, and start grabbing some clothes out of his dresser. I can see he really likes the color red, since it takes up half of his wardrobe. I guess I should’ve thought of that earlier, since Kankri almost always wears that red sweatshirt of his. Kankri excuses himself to the bathroom, leaving Porrim and I to finish up.

While we’re getting the rest of the stuff packed up, the door to Kankri’s dorm opens. I automatically assume it’s his roommate, so I disregard it quickly. At least, I disregard it until they speak up.

“You’re leaving already, Vantas?” My eyes widen at the voice, and I immediately know who it is. I quickly pick up the rest of his stuff from the bed and turn around. Mituna is staring at me dead-on, and I feel paralyzed. He opens his mouth to say something, but shuts it when Kankri comes back into the room.

“I actually am, Captor.” Kankri sasses back. I bet these two had a lot of arguments while staying together. Mituna sticks his tongue out at Kankri and scoffs, but shuts up when he sees Porrim glaring at him. I hand all of the packed stuff to Kankri and we rush out the door. Once we make it down the hall, Kankri stops me.

“What was that all about?” Kankri asks me. I’m not sure if I’m ready to tell him, so I avoid talking for the trip to my apartment. Kankri constantly looks back at me, despite me constantly pushing his face away. I think he’s doing it to make sure I’m still behind him, but I’m not totally certain. After awhile of walking, Porrim leaves to go back to her house. She points out that we should hurry, since a storm does appear to be looming ahead. We began to pick up the pace, but I can’t go nearly as fast as Kankri. He keeps stopping for me, and I can tell he’s getting annoyed. He ends up getting so sick of  having to stop that he takes my hand in his. I feel my heart stop when he locks his fingers in mine, and I know I’m blushing. I have to run to keep up with him, but it’s completely worth it. Even though I never want to let go, I release his hand once we reach the apartment building.

I lead him up to my apartment and unlock the door, making sure to not wake anybody up. I know how easy it is to awake Megido from her slumber, and I really don’t want another hallway confrontation. Not saying I don’t enjoy them, I just want to spend the rest of my evening with Kankri. When we get inside the apartment, Kankri immediately freezes at the sound of thunder outside. His breathing picks up and I can clearly see him shaking.

“Hey, Kanks, you okay?” I ask, placing my hand on his trembling shoulder. He looks back at me and nods, placing his hand on top of mine. The thunder cracks again, and Kankri jumps back. He’s basically pressed up against me now, so I back up a little. I try to distract him from the thunder, so I decide to look for a movie for us to watch. He takes a seat on couch, curling up at each sound the storm creates. I can’t stand seeing him like this.

“You know what? Drop the movie.” I exclaim, walking over to the couch. Kankri gives a confused look, but I ignore it and sit down next to him. I pat the space next to me in hopes that Kankri would catch onto what I was suggesting. He scoots beside me, and sets his head on my shoulder.

“I-I-I’m sorry.” He mutters. I put my arm around his shoulder, looking for a way to calm him down. He’s trembling under my arms, and it’s my duty as a friend to help him. That’s when it hits me, the best way to help. I quietly sing to him, making sure to keep it soft enough for him. His genuine smile returns, and he silently laughs with me. Thing is, he keeps his head against me this time. I hate to break the moment, but I do need to sleep. I began wriggling away from him, but he feebly grabs my hand and looks up at me.

“Please stay here.” He croaks out. I grin at him and grab a nearby blanket. He moves over to give me some room on the couch, so I lay down right beside him. I give him some space to get comfortable, and I eventually hear him clear his throat.

"Thank you, Cronus." He tiredly mutters. I scoot a little closer to him, and let myself drift to sleep. I can feel his breathing against my back, which gives me comfort. Just knowing that he's right here- right besides me.

 

* * *

 

I wake up to an alarm clock in my bedroom, panicking until I realize it's break. I look around the area I'm in, wondering how the hell I got in my living room. I realise that Kankri is wrapped around me, and I start shaking him to wake up.

"Kanks, you gotta get up." I mumble, sadly pushing him off me. He groans, but manages to sit up and blink at me. I think he's still processing last night, so I decide to be nice to him.

"Want to go out for breakfast?" I ask, making my way to my room to get ready. I hear the floorboards creak and see Kankri walk up to me. He looks tired, so I walk over to fluff his hair. It's sticking up everywhere, and I can't help myself. He sticks his tongue out at me, swatting my hand away from his head.

"It's too early for this, Cro." He groans. I'm surprised, he never uses nicknames.

"Cro?" I question. Kankri laughs and looks up at me. His smile could stop a person's heart, and I can't help but grin back.

"It's better than Fishboy." Kankri sarcastically retorts. I give him a hurt face, and he playfully hits my arm. If this is only day two, I think I'm going to be dead by the end of the week.

I make the decision for Kankri, and start getting ready to head out. It’s getting warmer outside, so I settle for a t-shirt and jeans. I nearly forget about my hair, but Kankri makes sure I don’t. Bless his soul, I have no idea where I’d be without him. I quickly fix it up, and walk back out to get Kankri.

“Ready to go?” I ask. He nods, and walks towards the door with me. We leave for the cafe, and Kankri stays extremely close to me. The ground is still wet from the storm last night, so I roll up the end of my jeans. Kankri laughs at me struggling to fix them, and I hit his arm softly. I also call him a dick, but for once he doesn’t lecture me about it. He just giggles a little and gets back to walking. I want to ask him about it, but I decide against it. He seems extremely happy at the moment and I don’t want to ruin it for him. We finally reach the Before Mornin’ cafe, and it looks like Vriska is on shift again. Kankri and I walk up to the counter, me secretly hoping that she’s forgotten my face.

“Hey Kankri.” She snarkily grins at the two of us. I’m glad I can’t read her thoughts, because I’m sure they’re pretty lewd at the moment. Kankri starts up a conversation with her, explaining why exactly he’s here with me. I tune the both of them out and try to focus on the couple sitting in the corner of the place. I should’ve expected Eridan to bring a date here, he’s always doing obscure stuff like that. I decide to walk away from Kankri to go talk to them for a second.

“Cro! What are you doing here?” Eridan gasps once he catches sight of me. I point at the girl sitting across from him and ask him who she is. She cuts him off before he can answer.

“I’m Feferi, Eridan’s girlfriend.” She muses. I didn’t know Eridan had a girlfriend. Maybe it’s because I haven’t spoken to him in quite a few months. I continue talking to the two of them, and I find out that this Feferi girl is actually pretty cool. Apparently they met each other while tutoring this kid, and they just started dating a month ago. Eridan asks if we could meet up tomorrow, and I invite him to come over to my apartment. We put together some plans when Kankri walks over to me. He asks me what I would like for breakfast, and I quickly answer him. He returns to the counter, and I get back to Eridan.

“Cro, why are you here with Kar’s brother?” He looks shocked, so I decide to indulge him. I tell him about how Kankri and I were best friends (emphasis on best), and how we’re living with each other for the time being. Eridan and Feferi stare at each other throughout the story, and Eridan starts laughing his ass off.

“I was only kidding about you being into Kan, but looks like I was pretty damn accurate." Eridan teases. I huff at him and walk away. Tomorrow with him and Kankri will suck.

 

* * *

 

Kankri and I decide to spend the rest of the day at home, since he still has a lot of studying left to do. He looks pretty focussed on whatever he's doing, so I leave him alone. I pull out my guitar and strum a few notes, which quickly catches his attention. He glares at me, and I continue playing. He tries to keep his focus on the laptop, but he eventually heaves out a sigh and gives up. I invite him to sit across from me, and start singing to him. I start quietly at first, but having him so close makes me forget about everything.

Kankri hums along to the tune, keeping the grin on his face. I know it's selfish to keep him so distracted, but I can't help it. I'm a lovestruck idiot, what else would you expect from me. I finish playing for him and set my guitar on the floor.

"Well, since I've clearly given up on studying, want to watch a movie?" Kankri suggests. I don't think he understands how much I hate movies, but I decide to do this for him. I pull Netflix up on the TV while Kankri goes into the kitchen to make some popcorn. While he's gone, I set up some pillows and blankets to create a fort big enough for two people. It's probably the most childish thing I've done in awhile, but it is a great way to get closer to Kankri. When he comes back into the room, he stops and stares at my creation.

"Cro, what's this?" He points at the fort with a confused look. I explain the idea I had, and Kankri hysterically laughs at me. Not gonna lie, it hurt a bit. Even though he laughed at the fort, he still climbs in and motions for me to lay down. I plop down next to him and reach for the remote with my foot. I finally get the movie on, and Kankri scoots closer to me. Our shoulders press up against each other, and I can feel my heart pounding again. I could so easily turn my head and kiss him, but I don't. I'm too scared that he'd push me away. I may always be too scared.

"Cro? Are you alright?" Kankri interrupts my thoughts. I look at him, taking in his freckled face. He looks so weak, so fragile. Like the smallest bump would destroy him. But he's not weak, he's actually one of the strongest people I've met. I put my arm around him and reassure him that I'm fine.

The movie finishes up, so Kankri and I clean up the fort and get ready for bed. He takes quite awhile in the bathroom, so I take advantage of the moment to text Sollux. I need some romantic advice, and almost all my friends would be asleep by now.

 

_**ME: sollux you still awvake?** _

_**SOLLUX: yeah aa ii2 makiing me watch iindiiana jone2 wiith her** _

_**ME: i need some advwice** _

_**SOLLUX: on what exactly** _

_**ME: kankri is staying ovwer for the wveek and i may go insane if i dont tell him soon** _

_**SOLLUX: you 2hould tell hiim. tru2t me you wont regret iit** _

 

He's right, I should just tell him. Kankri deserves to know, and I need to get this off my back. I say goodnight to Kankri, and head my way to bed. I'm going to tell him, just not tonight. It needs to be perfect, just like him.

* * *

 

I wake up in my own bed for the first time in a long time. I'm glad that I actually managed to get a good night's sleep, but I do wish I had woken up next to Kankri again. Nuzzling my face in his fluffy hair would be the best way to wake up. I pull myself out of bed, and realize somebody is cooking in the kitchen. I walk out of my room to see Kankri over the stove, and I notice my phone going off on the counter. Kankri looks at it while still trying to keep his attention on the food he's making. I swipe it off the counter to see that my brother had been calling and texting me since 9. He kept asking if it was fine for him to come over today, and I decide it’s up to Kankri.

“Hey Kanks, is it fine if my brother comes down for the day?” I ask. Kankri looks up and nods, quickly returning to his cooking. I tell Eridan that it’s fine for him to come over, and I go get ready. Awhile later, I come back out to Kankri putting some food on the table.

“I hope you don’t mind, but I didn’t make anything with any type of meat in it.” Kankri says once he sees me. He goes on to explain that he’s a vegetarian, and at this rate I don’t think he’ll stop talking. I try my hardest to listen, but he goes on and on and on. I sit down, and I think he realizes he should just stop. We eat, talk about our brothers, and exchange glances at the nearby clock. Eridan should be here in the next hour or so, and Kankri is a little worked up about it. I don’t think the guy has ever met my brother, despite him being one of Karkat’s best friends. I let him go off to get showered and dressed, leaving me to get everything ready. I mainly just clean up the apartment a bit, making sure it fits my brother’s standards.

An hour or so later, Eridan literally just walks into my apartment and sits down next to Kankri and I. We were just sitting there talking, then Eridan slammed the door open and stormed in. Kankri looks shocked, to very little surprise. He hasn’t lived with Eridan for half his life, he doesn’t understand that Eridan does this shit all the time. He’s extremely theatrical compared to me.

“Hello Eridan.” Kankri manages to squeak out. Eridan laughs at him, looking at me with a confused face. He turns back to Kankri, and I edge off my seat a little. I don’t want him to ruin this friendship for me, and I will attack him if required.

“So you’re Kar’s brother?” Eridan politely asks, to much surprise from me. Eridan is never polite, and I mean never. What is he planning?

Eridan and Kankri continue their conversation, and I’m glad Kankri’s not getting pissed at Eridan. Not yet, at least. Everything is going pretty smoothly, that is until Eridan speaks up again.

“Are you like Cro’s boyfriend?” Oh no, now the problem is starting. I look over at Kankri, who’s covering his face. Is he… blushing? I really hope not, that’d be pretty embarrassing. Kankri eventually clears his throat and stutters out a few words.

“I-I-I’m just his f-friend.” Poor Kankri looks like he’s going to explode. Eridan laughs extremely loudly, alarming the already-shaken-up Kankri. He goes on to say he was just joking, but he makes sure to point out that Kankri and I would make a good couple. Now I’m blushing, so I excuse myself from the room to get it together. I hear somebody follow me, and I turn around to see who it is. Of course, Eridan is there. Who else could I expect?

“What the hell?” I hiss at him. His sly grin remains, and he hits my arm. Why is Eridan acting like this? He already knew Kankri was just my friend, he didn’t need to ask. I hit his arm back, but it’s not supposed to be a friendly gesture.

“I’m trying to help you. You obviously like the guy and he obviously likes you, too.” Eridan exclaims. Does Kankri really like me? I highly doubt it, but it’s a nice thought. We both come back into the room and Kankri smiles at me. Fuck that adorable smile, how am I supposed to stay serious with it? I plop down next to him, probably closer than I should be with Eridan around.

“Sorry about that, Kanks.” I apologize. Kankri tells me that it’s fine and goes on about how he wishes he and his brother were that close. Thing is, as much as Eridan insists he’s helping, he’s doing a really bad job. He keeps looking at me, trying to get me to move closer to Kankri. There’s no way I will, no matter how much he tries.

Eridan eventually has to go to help Feferi out with something, so Kankri and I walk him down the street to get a taxi. Kankri stays close besides me, and occasionally his hand brushes against mine. I try not to focus on the gesture, but it’s easier said than done. When we reach the corner, Kankri’s phone goes off. He checks what it says then looks up at me.

“Looks like I have to go, too.” He sighs. There’s another ringing sound, but it’s from my phone this time. I pull it out and open a text from Eridan, who just tucked his phone into his jackets’ pocket.

 

_**ERIDAN: kiss him you idiot, nowws the perfect time** _

 

When I look up, Kankri is walking away from us. I look at him, and I feel the armor officially fall apart. I run up to him, grabbing his hand. I stare at our hands, and interlock them. I feel my breathe leaving quickly, and I know that if I don’t do this now I may never do it.

“Cronus?” Kankri looks up at me, and I try to say something. The words are either getting lost in a wave of emotions, or there’s just nothing left to say. I smile and lean down, getting closer and closer to his face.

“I’m sorry,” I breathe out. I pull him closer to me, and I kiss him. I want to say he kissed me back, but it was over as soon as it started. He pulls away, looking flustered. He’s smiling, but there’s an obvious layer of fear. He backs away from me, then runs off. I put my fingers to my lips and realize what I’ve just done.

Great job, Cronus. You just lost the best friend you’ve ever had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS WAS SO LONG AND HARD TO WRITE BUT I DID IT. Honestly I'm getting so into this that it's becoming more and more fun to write. Thank you to the 200+ people who read this mess of a fanfic, I swear it's only uphill from here. Alsoooooo comments would be greatly appreciated. I really want to know what you guys think so far, and where you'd like this plot to go. Thanks guys <3


	7. Good Old Chats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cronus feels the consequences of his decision, and several conversations happen.

I didn’t even try to run after Kankri when he left, I know he deserved to be mad. I wish I hadn’t done it, but the pressure from Eridan and the perfect moment combined to create a disaster. I can still feel Kankri’s lips against mine. I can still remember. I’m trying to come back to reality, and someone behind me clears their throat.

“What the actual fuck did I just watch go down?” It’s not Eridan, it’s not Porrim, it’s not Horuss. I know exactly who it is, just by the sound of their voice. I see only two options, running away or actually facing her. I want to run, but I’ve been running for almost a year. If I don’t stop running, nothing will get better. I’ll just continue hiding from them for the rest of my life.

"C'mon Fishboy, I know you heard me." She's walking closer to me, and I feel paralyzed. I can't run now, it's time to face the music. I quickly turn around and look her in the eye. I'm trying to keep up an act, but I'm shaking and I can feel tears forming. I’m not sure if I can see I’m happy to see her, but I’m glad to see not much has changed. She still has her weird braids and pointy glasses that go completely against her personality.

"Meenah, what do you want?" I growl. Just because she’s here doesn’t mean I need to be nice to her.

“I see you haven’t changed much, well, aside from you kissing a boy.” She retorts. I drag my hand down my face and roll my eyes. I can’t believe she just saw that. I don’t know if I’m embarrassed or proud of myself.

“What about you Mrs. Serket?” I snap back. She smiles and winks at me, and I wonder if that’s a good sign. Despite everything that’s happened, she’s still the same old Meenah I once knew. Not even Aranea could change that smile of hers. I decide to approach with caution, one step at a time. She hesitates, but she soon holds out her hand to give me a highfive. I slap my hand against hers and we both just laugh. I almost forget about everything, but I do need some time to think about what just happened.

“I’d love to catch up with ‘ya, but I do need some time right now.” I rub my neck, trying to make the moment stay. Meenah nods and we decide to go our separate ways. I’m glad to see that Eridan’s gone, but I wonder if he saw what happened. Knowing my luck, he probably did.

I start walking back to my apartment in hopes that Kankri will be there soon.

There’s no way I’m letting whatever we have end right here. Even if it means letting him go, I just need to have some type of closure. I want Kankri to tell me how he feels now, no more hiding.

I head up the stairs to get to my door, and I accidently bump into someone on the way up. I try to collect my thoughts and help them out, but they slap my hand away. I look to see who it is, and I’m met with the dark gaze of my dear neighbor. Sollux curses at me to help him look for his glasses, and I quickly comply. Sollux maybe my friend, but he’s still pretty horrifying. I find them and hand them over to the cursing mess of a friend.

“Sorry, C.N.” He apologizes while I help him up. He gathers up some of the groceries he dropped and invites me to walk besides him. I could use his helpful company, so I quickly rush to his side. He hands me one of the bags he was holding and fishes a key out of his pocket. He struggles to unlock his door, but somehow manages to. He pushes the door open and motions for me to follow him in.

“A.A, I’M HOME AND I BROUGHT AMPORA.” He shouts, setting the groceries on a nearby counter. He disappears around a corner, telling me to wait right there. I step through the door frame, and I’m instantly surprised by the utter neatness of their home. I wouldn’t have expected an apartment like this from the two of them, but apparently I was very wrong. Eventually, Sollux returns to the room with Aradia. She looks pretty happy to see me.

“How are you holding up?” Aradia asks me, stroking my shoulder. I’m guessing that gesture was supposed to be compassionate, but why? I have no idea where this is coming from. I decide to ask her why she’s being so kind, and she explains everything to me.

“Eridan told me that Kankri rejected you, and I thought maybe we should invite you over to hang out and get it off your mind.” What Eridan told her is a lie, I wasn’t rejected. Kankri just ran away from me after I kissed him. I haven’t gotten a definite yes or no, so why is Eridan telling people I did? Why is Eridan telling people anyway?

Sollux walks over to their couch, motioning for Aradia and I to join him. I sit down next to them and decide that I should just stay over. It's not like I have anything better to do today. We sit around and chat like we’ve been friends forever. I think this is what I needed at the moment, just some simple friendliness.

“So Kankri’s still staying with you, right?” Sollux asks while grabbing some snacks for us. I really have no idea, but I hope so. I don’t know how I’ll survive not seeing him, especially after what just went down. I shake my head to avoid thinking about it further. Aradia’s concerned smile returns, and I realize how much she and Porrim are alike.

Holy shit, what about Porrim? There’s no way Kankri won’t tell Porrim about what happened. I know I shouldn’t talk to her at this hour, but I really don’t care anymore. I have to know what he said to her. Pulling out my phone, I send her a few texts which don’t even get read. There’s no way I’ll get through tonight without finding out, so I decide to just visit her. I quickly leave the apartment, saying goodbye to Aradia and Sollux.

I don’t even stop at my apartment, I just run. I really should invest in a bike considering how much I’ve been travelling nowadays. Once I reach her house, I basically pound her door down. A few minutes pass, but she eventually opens the door. She looks surprisingly good for someone who- I assume- just woke up.

“Took you long enough.” She groans, opening the door to let me in. So that’s why she’s so put-together, she’s been waiting for me the whole time. I hesitantly step into her house and she slams the door behind me. I’m still a little shaken up, and the sound makes me jump.

“So I assume Kankri told you.” I say after taking a seat at her kitchen table. She sighs and sits across from me. I may look calm, but I’m actually freaking out. She knows what he said about it. Whatever she says now could change our relationship forever.

“He told me you kissed him.” Is that all he said? There’s no fucking way that’s all he said. Kankri trusts Porrim like he trusts his own mother, he had to have told her more. I think back to what Sollux said, and I realize something. I’m letting Porrim talk for Kankri when this isn’t her battle to fight. I need to hear this from Kankri, not her.

“Did he say where he’ll be tonight?” I blurt out. She looks at the ground and bites her lip. She knows, but she won’t tell me. I’m wasting my time staying here. I say goodbye to Porrim and run out of her house. I pull out my phone to see if I have any way to know where he is. I don’t want to hunt him down, I just want to know that he’s safe. That he’s somewhere he’d be happy staying. When I look at my phone there are 4 messages from Eridan and Karkat, which surprises me.

 

_**KARKAT:IF YOU’RE WONDERING WHERE KANKRI IS HE’S WITH ME** _

_**KARKAT:OKAY I HATE YOU BUT YOU NEED TO COME OVER RIGHT NOW** _

_**ERIDAN:im really sorry cro** _

_**ERIDAN:i didnt think it wwould happen like that** _

 

I stare at the four messages, trying to process everything. Kankri is actually staying with his brother, the guy who he obviously can’t stand. Even more surprising, Eridan apologized for what happened. He never apologises for anything. I decide to only text Karkat back, since I’m too hurt to deal with Eridan right now.

 

_**ME:wvhats wvrong?** _

_**KARKAT:PLEASE COME OVER. PLEASE.** _

_**ME:does kankri evwen wvant to see me?** _

_**KARKAT:JUST COME OVER ASSHOLE.** _

 

I gather up whatever courage I have left and look at the directions to Karkat’s place. It’s not too far from Porrim's, so I continue to walk. The night sky is covered by clouds and I couldn't quite find the moon. It all feels like a disgusting metaphor, but thinking too hard about it just makes the whole problem worse. I'm just trying to focus on the street in front of me, not him.

I'm holding back a stream of tears by the time I get to Karkat's house. Unsure if I really even want to see him, I ring the doorbell and wait outside. I look for ways I can run away, but the door in front of me opens. Karkat is standing in the frame and I can see the hint of panic in his eyes. I thought the Vantas brothers had a pretty bad relationship, but I was obviously wrong. Karkat steps outside, quietly shutting the door behind him.

“Where’s Kankri? Why did you ask me to come?” I have so many questions for Karkat and it looks like he has a few for me. He sighs and sits on the porch steps, inviting me to sit next to him.

“Cronus… he’s always been so isolated, so scared of letting someone else in. When our parents- when they died, he just got worse. He wouldn’t even talk to me or Porrim for a month.” Karkat doesn’t look at me while talking. I try to comfort him, but he isn’t like Kankri. He pulls away and tells me he’s fine. I know that he is, but how am I supposed to react to this? Karkat stands up and walks up next to me.

“I think he should tell you the rest, but you need to understand something.” I’ve never seen Karkat like this and for once I know he’s being sincere. He puts his hand on my shoulder, turning to face me. I try to say something, but silence is the only thing keeping me from breaking apart.

“Kankri still cares about you, Cronus.” He tells me before going back inside. I probably stand on that porch for a whole fifteen minutes before working up the courage to actually move. Karkat barely even knows me, but he’s just shown me a side of him I didn’t know existed. I’m disappointed that I didn’t get to see Kankri, but I’m glad I got to hear something from him.

I finally get ready to leave when it starts pouring. There’s no way I could walk home in all this rain, so I try to quickly think of a solution. I know Horuss lives in the area, but would he be alright with me coming over this late? I pull out my phone and look for his number, hoping I still have it. I quickly send him a text which he responds to almost instantly

 

_**ME:hey so im around your house and i cant wvalk home in this rain do you think i could stay wvith you? its just for tonight i swvear** _

_**HORUSS: Of course you can, Cronus.** _

_**ME:thanks chief ill be ovwer soon** _

__

I tuck my phone into my pocket and start walking down to Horuss’s house. I’m glad he doesn’t live that far away, because I’m getting absolutely drenched in this weather. All the lights in his house are off and I wonder if he’s even there. I walk up to the door and knock on it a few times, and I'm surprised by how quickly he opens the door. We waste no time setting up a small place for me to sleep for the night. I'm pretty sure I've gotten far too used to sleeping on couches by now.

Horuss doesn't ask very many questions while I'm getting ready, but you can bet your ass he wanted to know exactly what happened when we were done. I gave him the minor details about how I majorly fucked up with Kankri, and he looks ready to drop the good old advice bomb on me. I prop myself up on his couch while eagerly waiting for him to say something.

"I did the same thing with Rufioh," He mutters out. I look down at the floor and try to think of how I should respond, but I'm all out of things to say.

"Cronus, do you regret kissing him?" He looks up and asks. This time I know exactly what to say. I smile at him, and I let the words pour out.

"Hell no, I'm pretty sure- I know I am in love with him." I stutter. Tears are starting to form in my eyes again, but Horuss looks happy. This might be the first time I've seen him smile since the whole thing with Rufioh. He puts his hand on my shoulder and stands up, looking down at me. He’s not saying anything, but I understand him.

“Get some sleep, Cronus. I’m sure Kankri will want to talk to you tomorrow.” Horuss turns off the lights and disappears into a hallway. I roll over and stare at Horuss’s ceiling, trying to get used to the dark. It’s been such a strange day and I’m surprised I made it all the way through.

I try to keep Kankri off my mind but I can still feel his lips against mine. I keep

remembering how perfect that moment could’ve been. I wasn’t lying when I said I didn’t regret kissing him, I just regret letting him run off. Maybe if I had stopped him and talked to him it would’v- My train of thought is ended by the loud ringing of a nearby phone. My cellphone is buzzing like crazy on the table where I left it. I stand up and pick it up to try and see who’s texting me, and I see it. It’s only one text, but it was absolutely needed.

  
_**KANKRI: G99dnight Cr9nus.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY CRAP THIS TOOK A LOT OF TIME TO WRITE! Yeah I'm so sorry about not updating in awhile but here I am with a brand new chapter. As always, comments are appreciated and thank you to everyone who left some!  
> One last note if you guys want to ask me some questions about when the fic will be updated or other stuff, you can contact me on my tumblr: http://conecows.tumblr.com/
> 
> thanks bros <3333


	8. How We Feel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's about time Cronus is honest.

When I wake up on Horuss’s couch, I feel like the definition of shit. I tossed and turned all night trying to understand why Kankri had texted me so late at night. I wanted to respond to it, but I don’t want to ruin this anymore. I’m crawling back into hiding and I don’t plan to leave anytime soon.

I’m pretty sure I’m the most pathetic man on the earth. After pitying myself for awhile, I decide I need to do something to get my mind off the situation. I sit up and search my coat pocket desperately for some cigarettes. I keep forgetting that I really haven’t smoked since Kank- Oh god, why can’t I escape him? No matter what I do, Kankri occupies my thoughts. I think I'm starting to get why some people hate falling in love.

* * *

 

I quickly collect my things and thank Horuss for letting me stay the night. I'm glad to finally get back to my home, hopefully things will be better there. I need the familiar faces of old furniture and close friends. I need to feel like I belong again. I need to feel the way Kankri made me feel.

I walk out of Horuss's home into the humid spring air and I feel a wave of peacefulness rush over me. This is the familiarity I needed. It's only seven, but the sky seems more alive than anyone in this sleepy town. Maybe it's about time I pack my bags and leave for bigger, better places.

Maybe I should just get away from all the shitty memories. Get away from Aranea, Meenah, maybe even Kankri. I just need to finish up this year and I'm out of Beforia. I wasn't made for this place anyways.

These thoughts take over my mind while I take the long, lonely journey home. I walk past the Before Mornin', but I don't feel tempted to walk in anymore. Maybe I'm finally over all this Kankri nonsense? I really hope I am, I don't want him to hate me more than he probably already does.

I've honestly never been more excited to see the apartment building I reside in before today. The large double doors seem to be inviting me in, like I'm a traveler in need of a good rest. To be honest, I feel like one.

I slowly open the solid door, and I feel a hand on my shoulder. I quickly release the handle and snap around to see who the hand belongs to. I have no idea if my tired eyes are playing tricks, but standing right in front of me is none other than Kankri Vantas. He looks almost as bad as I do, with bags under his eyes to match mine. He lets out a small giggle when I fully adjust to reality, and I guess he must be thinking the same thing I am.

"Kankri? Why are you hear?" I rasp out, unaware of how sleepy my voice would sound. He looks up at me with those big, blue eyes and I take everything I said back. I still want to feel like this around him, I still want to have butterflies whenever he looks at me. I still want to blush like an idiot when his hand accidentally brushes past mine. I still want to be his, and nothing will change that.

"Closure, Cronus, that's why I'm here." He looks intense, despite seeming fragile. I really have no idea what to do in this situation. It feels like a sudden movement will scare Kankri off again. I even brush his hand off my shoulder to avoid anything happening.

"D-do you want to come in?" I politely ask him. Of course he'd want to come in, all of his stuff is still in my apartment. Kankri's eyes fall back on me, and he answers my question with a strained smile.

"I'd love to." I open the door and lead him in, almost dragging him behind me. Not a single word is exchanged between us during the walk. I truly have no idea how he feels at the moment. Whether he's happy or sad, he seems to be cloaking his emotions again.

I fumble with my keys while unlocking the door, which makes me realize how much of a nervous wreck I am. I just want to hear him say what he thinks this time. I'm not scared of it anymore.

As soon as I open the door, Kankri confidently walks into my home. He looks at the suitcase sitting in the corner of the room, but he doesn't grab it. Instead, he sits down on the couch with a loud sigh. He looks up at me and I know exactly what I need to do. I sit down next to him and he looks back up at me.

"I hope you know that I'm not mad at you." I look him in the eye, and I can tell he's being genuine. I want to say something, but the silence in the room fills the need for words. I start choking back tears, and Kankri raises his hand up to my shoulder.

"I shouldn't have done it, I'm so sorry." I stutter, poorly holding back a stream of tears. I so badly want to collapse into his arms and cry, but that would just make it worse. Kankri wipes a stray tear off my face, but he keeps his hand there. My breath hitches at the gesture and I can feel my heart pound out of my chest.

"I'm not." He smiles at me with those big, icy eyes of his. I don't know if he means what I think he does. I certainly hope he does, but I've learned to not get my hopes too high.

"You're not?" I ask. He looks down and giggles, but I'm seriously confused. I thought he'd be pissed. I mean he ran off when I kissed him, and that's a sure sign that someone is upset. Kankri returns his gaze to me, inching a bit closer with each breath. That's when he whispers something I can barely make out.

"You must be blind, Fishboy." Then, out of seemingly nowhere, Kankri presses his lips against mine. I tense up at first, having no clue what he was doing. I try to ease into the kiss, but it's over before I can. My breath was completely stolen by him, but he still looks melancholy. I reach my hand up to his face expecting him to pull away. To my surprise, he sets his face in my palm. I have no idea what any of this will mean for us, but I’m praying something will come out of it. I don’t want to continue being too scared to touch him like this. I don’t want to be ashamed of wanting to be more than just his “pal”.

"What am I doing?" Kankri breaks the silence with a shaky voice. He pulls my hand off his face and stands up. I’m too shocked to move, I can’t believe he actually thought that. I want to stand up and tell him that I lo-Enough with the wanting. It's about time I just stand up and tell him exactly how I feel.

I shoot up off the couch and slowly walk towards him. I don't think I'll ever truly understand this man, but I'm slowly starting to get it. He's easily scared, and the idea of intimacy probably horrifies him. I want to be the person to change that, but if I'm not, so what? As long as Kankri is okay, I am too.

He's leaning on my counter with his head tucked away in his hands. I clear my throat to alert him, but he doesn't move. He's like a startled animal, any loud noise or quick movement will frighten the hell out of him. I carefully place my hands on top of his and timidly pull them down from his face. I wrap one of my hands in his, and use the free one to lift his face up to mine. For once, our major height difference comes in handy. I decide it's my turn to talk.

“Kankri, I think it's about time we be honest with each other." I lean down to look at his face while he lowers his hands. His eyes are bloodshot and the bags underneath them are even more apparent, but at the moment none of that matters. I'll pick another time to comment on his shitty appearance.

"If we're being honest, I really liked kissing you." Kankri sniffs then looks me straight in the eye. I can tell he's being completely sincere this time, but I don't know how to accept it. I've spent the past months thinking Kankri wasn't into me, then suddenly he kissed me. Am I really that blind?

"So what is this all going to mean- like for us?" I ask him with far too much hope in my heart. I don’t want to go back to ignoring what we could be. I can’t live on knowing I had a chance with him and completely blew it. Kankri won’t hate me for this, he’s the most understanding person I’ve ever met. Even if he turns me down, he’ll always be by my side. God, I love him so much.

“Would you maybe like to try dating each other?” Kankri’s voice is so hushed I can barely hear him. It takes me a few seconds to process what he said, but once I do… I can’t describe how I felt. It’s a mix of ecstatic and absolutely fucking horrified. If I say yes, everything changes. We won’t be just Kankri and Cronus anymore, we’ll be a couple. I look at him and his freckle-covered face, trying to take it all in, and I just know. _This is what I want_ , him and his strange self.

“Hell yes, Kankri.” I choke on my words, but he still understands. A smile sprawls itself across his face and I know I made the right decision. I lean down a bit further and pull his face closer to mine, taking in every detail. I absolutely, completely, _utterly_ adore him. Now that I’m able to admit it, I plan to tell him every time I can. He deserves more than what I could give him, but I swear to give him all I can.

“So are you going to kiss me or what?” Kankri clears his throat, slightly biting his lip. I pull his face against mine, and instantly all the butterflies fly away. This is a real kiss, with all the proper strangeness. We’re both clearly inexperienced in the making out field, but we certainly try our hardest. He puts both of his arms around my neck and pulls away, ending the moment of ecstasy. I’m brought back to Earth, and I’ll stay here with him forever.

We stay like that for awhile, just embracing each other’s closeness. I’ve gotten so used to the smell of Kankri, but there is no way I’m over it. I’ll always be in awe of everything about him. It’s just who I am, I guess. Kankri and I eventually return to the couch, wrapping ourselves in each other’s arms.

We sit in total silence, just staring at everything we have. This is the life we chose, and it’s the one I want. As long as Kankri’s by my side, everything’s alright. I stroke his face, trying to count all the freckles that cover it. There’s a faint blush across his pale complexion. I press my lips against his cheek softly, feeling the heat of his face underneath them. I almost don’t hear the door open and the footstep that come closer, closer, and closer.

“What the actual fuck is this, Cronus?” A voice swears from behind us. I need to lock the door more, don’t I?

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading the first chapter of this fanfiction. I've actually never written stuff like this before, so advice would be amazing. I'm going to upload the second chapter alongside this one, so have fun reading :D  
> Also, these first few chapters are just introductions so I can get some sort of plot rolling. PLEASE don't skip them, they're pretty important.  
> That's all bros <3


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